Question

Help with Grammar/Usage Mistakes for the Topic VCB and Payment Cards. Thanks A Lot!

VIETCOMBANK AND PAYMENT CARDS

1. To diversify business activities is one of the strategic objectives of Vietnam Foreign Commerce Bank (VIETCOMBANK/VCB).

2. The service of payment by international credit cards and recently the issuance of the payment cards of VCB have affirmed the determination of VCB in modernizing banking technology to develop and integrate into the world market.

3. Mr. Nguyen Duy Lo, First Deputy Director General of Vietcombank concurrently Director of HCM City VCB said: At present, 70% of cash is being circulated outside banks and only 30% of cash is liquidated through banks.

4. The use of payment cards will gradually replace the above ratio.

5. Since 1991 VCB has acted as sole agents of payment for foreign banks to put the four most common international credit cards into use in Vietnam: VISA, MASTER CARD, JCB, and AMERICAN EXPRESS.

6. Nowadays, credit cards are no longer new modes of payment to Vietnamese businesses, including even private businesses.

7. With over 500 places to receive cards in the whole country (HCM City, 330; Hanoi, 140; other cities, 30), there are favorable conditions for businesspeople and tourists coming to Vietnam.

8. Only in the first nine months of last years, VCB liquidated by international credit cards an amount of over $US 100.6 million.

9. This service has brought VCB $US 439,350 fees of service.

10. Payment by international credit card is a service bringing high economic efficiency and bears almost no risks.

11. For that reason, commercial banks, foreign bank branches in Vietnam are competing very harshly with VCB.

12. On the other hand, since 1 July 1993 VCB has begun issuing its own payment cards.

13. After more than a year of implementation, VCB has had 240 places of receiving cards (type A, type B) and issued 325 cards with an amount of money of issuance reaching 8,4 billion and the sum of payment is over 5 billion dong.

14. However, according to Mr. Nguyen Duy Lo, the issuance of payment cards is merely the "process of self- development" of VCB and this had not yet been used in bussiness circles and the people.

15. To turn the payment by card into decree, there must be the common mechanism of the State.

16. At the same time with the new decision of the Prime Minister about supplementing and amending a number of articles on managing foreign currencies to proceed to "sole use of Vietnamese dong in the territory of Vietnam", VCB will issue more cards to foreigners for their convenience.


1

Sunny, I'd like to be helpful, but the text is very long, and though I'm a native English speaker, I don't speak banking. Some expressions sound odd to me, like "liquidating" money in a bank, but maybe that's correct banking terminology; I don't know.

This is a difficult place to edit a long text like the one you have submitted here. It would be easier for me to make suggestions on a shared document. I made one with a few first glance editing thoughts. Someone who speaks "banking" would be more helpful.

Or, if it's really important that the English language document say precisely the same thing as an original Vietnamese language language document and be understood by people knowledgeable of banking, you could send me documents by e-mail (rgdetwiler@gmail.com), and I could try to find someone here to help look at them. It sort of depends on your purpose: whether you are doing this simply as a personal language learning exercise, or working on producing an important business or official communication.

Audio

Comments

Vee T Vee T (2) on 26/08/14

Hello Richard, Thank you for your suggestion. I have sent you an e-mail. Have a nice day! Sunny

Salam Morcos Salam Morcos (0) on 12/09/14

This correction is more about "business writing". Even English speakers sometimes struggle in this. General rules: 1- Keep sentences short 2- Avoid using the past perfect. (e.g. I had seen. Use I saw) 3- Avoid repetitions. (e.g. I revisited him again. Since you said "revisited" don't use again) Here is how I would write it, but some concepts don't seem clear: VIETCOMBANK AND PAYMENT CARDS 1. Diversifying business activities is one of the strategic objectives of Vietnam Foreign Commerce Bank (VIETCOMBANK/VCB). 2. The service level for payments by international credit cards, coupled with the issuance of VCB's payment cards have affirmed VCB's determination to modernize banking technology to allow it to develop and integrate into the world market. 3. First Deputy Director General of Vietcombank, Mr. Nguyen Duy Lo, who is concurrently the director of HCM City VCB said: "At present, 70% of cash is being circulated outside banks and only 30% is liquidated." 4. The use of payment cards will gradually improve the above ratio. 5. Since 1991, VCB has acted as the sole provider of payments for foreign banks, putting into use the four most common international credit cards in Vietnam: VISA, MASTER CARD, JCB, and AMERICAN EXPRESS. 6. Nowadays, credit cards are no longer the preferred form of payment for Vietnamese businesses, including the private sector. 7. With over 500 location to receive cards in the country (HCM City, 330; Hanoi, 140; other cities, 30), favorable conditions are being created for business people and tourists coming to Vietnam. 8. In last year's first nine months alone, VCB liquidated over $US 100.6 million by international credit cards. 9. This service generated for VCB $US 439,350 in fees. 10. Payment by international credit cards brings high economic efficiency and bears almost no risks. 11. For that reason, commercial banks and foreign bank branches in Vietnam are competing fiercely with VCB. 12. Since 1 July 1993 VCB has begun issuing its own payment cards. 13. After more than a year of implementation, VCB had 240 locations for receiving cards (Type A, Type B). It issued 325 cards with an amount of issuance reaching 8.4 billion and the sum of payment reaching over 5 billion dong. 14. However, according to Mr. Nguyen Duy Lo, the issuance of payment cards is merely the "process of self- development" of VCB and this had not yet been used by bussinesses and individuals. 15. To turn the payment by card into decree, there must be the common mechanism of the State. < I don't understand #15 - sorry.> 16. With the Prime Minister's new decision to amend a number of articles on managing foreign currencies and enforcing the "sole use of Vietnamese dong in Vietnam", VCB will issue more cards to foreigners for their convenience.

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