Question

Creative Writing Summer: There's a monster my kitchen!

Maru Naka Maru Naka (0) on 01/07/13

Hello. My name is MaruNaka.
I'm living now in Japan and working as a programmer in a software game company.
It was a cold dark night from 2 years ago. I came back home after a hard working day.
I was scolded at company by my boss. It feels so bad and I deciced to go to sleep without dinner.
Before go to sleep I remember that I have already closed the door.

Midnight, I was awaked by hearing a weird sound in the kitchen.
I go to see and was shocked with what was happening.
It's my boss. He was standing there and starring me for awhile.
I relized that he was become an Angry Bird monster because his face looked like a Red Angry Bird and it was turned red without a sign to stop.

Then He ran out over the door and left me behind there. I tried to run after him but I cannot move.
I tried to shout for help but nobdy can hear me because of my mouth freezing.

Suddenly. I WAKED UP. It's just a nightmare.!!!

ps: sorry because my story might over 100 words.

Answers

1
Here are some more suggestions: Hello. My name is MaruNaka. I work in Japan now as a programmer in a gaming company. Two years ago, on a cold dark night, I came back home after a hard day at work. I had been scolded by my boss that day. I felt so bad that I decided to go to sleep without any dinner. Before going to sleep, I remember locking the door. At midnight, however, I was awakened by a weird sound in the kitchen. I went in to see what it could be, and was shocked by what I saw. It was my boss! He was standing there, just staring at me for awhile. I then realized he had become an Angry Bird monster because his face looked just like a Red Angry Bird, turning redder and redder, with no sign of stopping. Suddenly, he ran away and left me behind, just standing there. I tried to run after him but I couldn’t move. I also tried to shout for help, but nobody could hear me because my mouth was frozen. Suddenly, I WOKE UP. Thank god it was just a nightmare!!!

Recordings

Comments

1

Nice story, but you are confusing the present with the past tenses, which is a very common mistake. Here are my corrections with "quotation marks" around each corrected sentence.

Hello, My name is MaruNaka.
"I live in Japan and work" as a programmer "for" a software game company.
It was a cold dark night from 2 years ago. I came back home after a hard "day at work".
I was scolded at "work" by my boss. "I felt" so bad and I deciced to go to sleep without dinner.
Before "I went" to sleep I "remembered" that "I already closed the door".

"At midnight", I was "woken up" a weird sound in the kitchen.
I "went" to see and was shocked "by" what was happening.
"It was" my boss! He was standing there and "staring at" me for a while.
I realized that "he had" become an Angry Bird monster because his face looked like a Red Angry Bird and it was "turning red without any sign of stopping".

"Then he ran out the door and left me there." I tried to run after him but I "could not" move.
I tried to shout for help but nobody "could" hear me because of my mouth "frozen".

Suddenly. "I WOKE UP". "It was" just a nightmare.!!!

Recordings

Comments

Your Answer